


A BBQ to remember

by queen_of_shanath



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: F/M, First person view, Fluff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-10-31 15:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17852240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_of_shanath/pseuds/queen_of_shanath
Summary: Anon asked: “I love your writings, would you consider a Joseph Seed x Reader where you refer to the reader as yourself ( I ). The story would be about you liking The Father and him liking you, but he can’t love you and once he kisses you in an isolated place he has realized what he has done and back to his church afraid, but you go to him and we’ll what happens next is up to you Tani, if this is a lot perhaps it could be in parts rather than one. Hope you consider, thank you x”





	1. BBQ at Nick's

**Author's Note:**

> This is the un-beta'ed version. So far I have no idea how long this story is going to be. If you have any ideas for the story or wishes, hit me up here or on Tumblr!

Love has never been an easy thing to deal with. Love makes people do stupid things, like moving cross-country, faking a whole new personality so the person you desire would love you back.

In my case, love was even more complicated. Mother always said to me, I should find someone to love who has a lot of money. Father always said to me, I should find someone to love who has the best reputation in the region. May God bless their souls, because what I did would make them turn around in their graves. And what did I do? I fell in love with The Father, Joseph Seed, leader of Eden’s Gate – a goddamn cult.

The Project At Eden’s Gate arrived in the County a few years ago. A handsome lawyer bought up every business around the town, and some land from the local farmers. We did not mind. He still let us work in those business, he was just the owner. And eye candy. We heard strange stories from other people. That those new people tried to recruit locals for ‘something bigger’. Something bigger, we laughed, those fools were crazy! By that point, everyone in the County had at least heard of them. If they walked around in town, you could spot them from a mile away.

I first met the whole family at Nick’s BBQ. Nick’s BBQs had become a tradition in the Country. Every first Saturday in May, everyone would make something to eat and come to the BBQ. Mary May took care of the drinks, Grace, for some reason, always had the best meat to eat. And one time, Boomer caught a duck on the way here and brought it to the table where all the food was! It was adorable, but the poor duck was half alive and bled over Addie’s potato salad. Hurk and Sharky dared each other to eat the bloody potato salad, until Kim ripped it out of their hands.

Sometimes, I wish I would have stayed at home. Sometimes, I could never imagine how different my life would have turned out if I had not gone.

On this very fateful Saturday in May, I arrived in the afternoon, party-sized bags of chips and different kinds of candy in the back of my car. Nick, being his old gentleman self, helped me carrying the bags to the table. Kim, Grace, even Jess were here, greeted me with hugs and kisses, all the love in the world.

As I carried the third load of chips out of my car, I spotted people I had never seen before. A tall ginger man, his skin covered in scars and…chemical burns? Or were those normal burns? Was he Sharky’s copycat? The other man was handsome. Straight up handsome. Tattoos, slicked back hair, clothes which probably costed more than my house. The little lady next to them seemed off. Not off in “she is probably the abused sister/girlfriend/whatever”, off in a way of…stoned. Yeah, she seemed stoned out of her mind. Off in another universe or so. Miles away.

The three were talking with each other, and I poked Nick’s side.

“Hey, who are those evaders from a horror chamber?”, I asked and chuckled.

“That’s the Seed family, live and in High Quality.”, Nick answered, put the bags down on the table. “But the big weirdo is missing, Joseph. They said he’d arrive a bit later, he still had ‘business to attend’.”

I shrugged, thanked him for the information and went to the grill to grab a steak. When I arrived there, the oldest Seed brother was there too. He had thrown a steak on the grill for barely a minute before taking it off. I frowned, looked up to him.

“Isn’t that a bit short?”, I asked. “Aren’t you afraid of getting some kind of illness from it? Salmonella or so?”

Jacob stared down to me, and for a moment I felt like he was undressing me with his eyes. But not in the good, kinky way. More in the way of ‘I want to get into your skull and smash it from the inside’. Some people are into this, I know, but back to Jacob.

“I always eat my steaks the ‘English’ way. If I get ill, then it is my own fault.”

“So you like to eat blood?”, I asked, and cursed myself in the same moment. My mouth always worked faster than my brain.

Jacob just blinked a few times, shook his head and started to eat his steak. With his hands. So Hope County found its next weirdo, I thought, before putting my chicken breast on the roast. The chicken needed its sweet time until it was done, so I started to look around. People were chatting and laughing, having a great time. The Stoner-Seed seemed less stoned, eating a brownie while talking with the blood eating edgy man.

I stared until someone put his hand on my shoulder. I jumped in surprise and turned around. A man in a grey suit had put his hand on me. The suit had white embroideries on it, and the man was wearing yellow sunglasses.

“I think your chicken is ready.”, he said in a voice…a voice which felt like honey. Have you ever touched your legs after shaving? That’s how smooth his voice was. His voice glides inside of you, penetrates your tympanum in such a gentle way…

That was the moment when I snapped out of my daydream because I smelt something burning. I had just burned 300 calories because my chicken breast was so sooty, eating it would give me a smoker’s lung. I sighed, grabbed the piece and held it up to my face before laughing.

“I am going to give it to Sharky and Hurk and dare them to eat it.”, I said, looked up to the man with sunglasses.

“Do that, my child.”

My child? Hey, each to his own. I nodded, patted the man on the shoulder and moved away from the grill. He started to make his own patties, probably making burgers or such.

A bit later – Hurk and Sharky had eaten the breast, which caused a huge coughing fit in both – I finally had two pieces of chicken breast and some sides. There was also a bowl of Mac’n’Cheese on the table, but it was untouched. I looked over, reached there to grab a few bites, when suddenly someone grabbed my wrist. It was Mr. Sunglasses again!

“Don’t.”, he warned me, and a frown found its way on my face.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”, I said and took a fork full of this Mac’n’Cheese into my mouth…which I promptly spit out again. It was completely watery! It felt like someone tried to drown cheese and hide the body with noodles, because the cheese was not melted in any way!

The sunglasses man just started to laugh at my reaction, and even I had to laugh too. That must have been a view!

“Well, kind Sir, then sit down and tell me why you know that this Mac was shit!”, I invited the man, scooped a bit over on the bench so he could sit down too. The beer he had been holding in his hand was placed on the table, and he sat down. His name was Joseph Seed, and his brother John – the handsome tattoo guy – had made the dish. Joseph told me about his little brother a bit, sharing the story how he found his bro after a party night with panties on his head and scratches on his back. But the scratches were not from humans, so Joseph told me he was sure that John had gotten into a fight with a racoon. I was able to imagine it very vividly.

What followed was one of the best conversations I have ever had in my whole life. We chatted, got more food together, drank beer and had a great time. What I did not realize were people staring at us from time to time. In the evening, Joseph even took his glasses off, and I was able to see his blue eyes for the very first time. They had the colour of the sky, the colour of the calm sea, yet there was so much behind them. So much more that I wanted to explore.

The Seed family left the BBQ around midnight. Since Joseph did not have a phone, I gave him my address and the invite to come over on the following day, for a cup of tea. Joseph put the little piece of paper into the pocket of his suit after thanking me. He’d be over in the afternoon, because he had things to do in the morning.

So the four left, leaving me alone with my friend’s confused stares.

“You know who that was?”, Nick asked from behind, and I turned around in confusion, shook my head.

“That was Joseph Seed, leader of Eden’s Gate. Darling, he is dangerous.”


	2. Tea And Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1.5 chapters because I added the Diary Scene because a friend dared me to write stuff about Joseph's nipples.

He is dangerous.

Those words echoed in my head for hours. Did I just agree to have tea and cookies with a crazy bastard? Probably. But hey, I have been in worse situations, and I haven’t been afraid of death since I nearly drowning in swimming class, but that’s another story for another day.

The next morning, I woke up around midday. I had stayed at the BBQ for a bit longer than the Seeds, drinking and eating some more before heading home. But I had not eaten since that point, so I hurried into my kitchen to make something small to eat. Then I checked a few cupboards and found some chocolate cookies there. I tried one and they were still edible, so I decided that I’d serve them to Joseph later on.

At 3 I heard someone ringing on my doorbell. My heartbeat went up, because I knew it was Mr. Sunglasses, Mr. Don’t-Eat-That-Mac-N-Cheese. The man who had seen me spitting out Mac’n’Cheese all over my shirt and pants, then laughed so sweetly before helping me clean up…

A second ringing ripped me out of my daydream, so I hurried to the door.

“Good afternoon, my child.”

I would have answered him straight away, but I was distracted by the fact that Joseph was not wearing a shirt and that I was on level with his nipples.

A few seconds passed before Joseph made an amused comment, “My eyes are up here.”

“Oh! Yeah, I just wondered where you got them done.”, damn my fast tongue and my stupid self. But Joseph? He laughed at that comment. Thank God, or whatever you believe in. John Lennon would say he only believes in Yoko and himself, but luckily, I am not Yoko Ono.

Joseph shook his head with a smile, so I stepped aside and let him into my house.

“It is not big, it is not much, but it is a home.”, I said while leading him to the living room where I had set up the cookies on a plate, along with a kettle.

“Do you want some tea?”, I asked after he sat down in one of the chairs there.

Joseph wanted some herbal tea. Without sugar. Of course, without sugar, how else would he maintain rock hard abs at the age of 45? He probably wakes up every morning at four so he can go jogging and do yoga in some tight ass yoga pants while the horny old ladies from next door watch him.

I came back from the kitchen with two little tea bags, filled his cup with hot water and put the bags inside there. Joseph was munching on the chocolate cookies by this time, thanking me for how good they tasted.

Silence laid over us while Joseph ate another cookie, and I tried to get the bags back out of the cups because the tea was Ready.

“How long did you stay yesterday?”, Joseph asked out of nowhere, so I looked up and nearly dropped one of the bags on my lap.

“Until…I think it was one? Yeah, I left an hour after you all left.”, I answered, giving Joseph my biggest smile to distract him from the fact that I am a goddamn fool.

Joseph smiled at me – this kind of smile where you just melt away, where your bones suddenly become non-existent and all you ever do is throwing your arms around that person. Damn, what was this sunglasses guy doing to me? Probably some kind of dark magic. Do you know the rule of three? When you curse someone, it backfires three times as hard to you. Maybe I accidentally cursed someone and this is the Revenge?

“Earth to (Y/N), are you still here?”, Joseph ripped me out of my train of thoughts again. What was this guy’s mission? I blinked a few times before I looked into his eyes.

“I think I am?”, why the hell am I such an awkward fuck?

“Oh, I do hope you are still with me. I enjoy your company…as long as you do not spit Mac’n’Cheese all over me.”

…

Mr. Sunglasses left in the early evening hours. He had stayed for another cup of tea, complimented me on my tea-making-skills. I literally poured hot water into a cup and put a teabag into it…but I thanked him for the compliment anyways.

Joseph had eaten my cookies, and I was making myself some pasta. Slurping the noodles into my mouth, I thought about the last 24 hours. I had gotten to meet a weird raw meat-eating man and his younger Gucci brother. Then there was the man who looked like a priest, who cleaned disgusting mac off my pants.

I do not know what was happening, but I trusted him.

 

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I met the strange man again. He was here for tea and cookies, and he ate all my cookies while not wearing a Shirt._

_One thing I have to admit is, he did not get bloated at all. After eating the cookies, he still had his rock-hard abs, looking like an Olympic sportsman. I gain two kilogram from eating a tiny piece of chocolate, but life is unfair._

_But there was one thought which did not leave my head: Why was this guy not wearing a shirt? What was his goddamn Mission?_

_Was it some kind of strategy to intimidate his hater? Cause I can believe that being face-to-nipples with a handsome man could hit your self-worth like a brick wall. This guy is 45, according to Nick’s gossip, and yet he looks like a 24 years old underwear model._

_How does he do this… What does he eat? I also need his skincare routine!_

_But back to his nipples. I wanna run around shirtless too! But then creepy people would stare, and I could get nasty comments about my tits. Some creepy man could take it upon himself and write an angry letter to the local newspaper, screeching about the shirtless woman. Another one would eternize me in his badly written romantic novel where he writes four pages just about the female love interest tiddies. Her tiddies do not sag, do not have stretch marks on them, but bounce whenever she just takes a breath. I bet that writer has never seen boobs in his life, and the boobs from Courtney Love in the Playboy do not count._

_Once upon a time, when I was a teenager, it was cool to have a bra with fake nipples on them. That’s something I have never really understood. Why wear a bra, which is also supposed to hide your nipples, just to put them on the bra again? All those designers who don’t know stuff about female anatomy are my favourites. I could rant some more about the fake pockets, but back to Joseph._

_Joseph clearly does not look like this. Imagine him with a Double Ds, faulting them over Hope County while fixing his brother’s cooking mistakes. Living is weird, especially when you have thoughts like this._

_Joseph, Joseph, Joseph…_

_How would Jacob look shirtless? Since his body, or at least what we can see from his body, is mostly covered in scars and burns… Not gonna lie, I have thought about it while he was eating his bloody steak yesterday. Maybe his chest is still okay, and his ginger chest hair shows off. What about his pubi…_

_No, let’s not go there._

_Dear diary, I think I am becoming friends with a shirtless weirdo, and it feels nice. I am sure he does not have a lot of friends since he is so weird. Maybe he was bullied at school and showing off his nipples and abs is his revenge to his past bullies? Because they are all fat now? I would do the same. All my bullies are now either dead or mothers without any kind of job training, having four kids from five different men (she doesn’t know who the Father of #3 s). I am still alive, so who is laughing now?_

_I am looking forward to the next few weeks. I hope I get to see him again. Maybe he has nipple piercings by then._

_Good night!_


	3. Grocery Store Fun

A few days later

Being the shut-in I was, going out to get groceries was something I did only once a week, or only when all I have left is stale bread and potatoes. On Friday afternoon, after finishing work in and around the house, I headed to the store to get some groceries. Cause starving wasn’t one of my Hobbies.

I pulled into the parking lot with my chic 1956 BMW Isetta, I got out of it, stretched, and headed into the store. It was unusually quiet for a Friday afternoon. Normally, all the Karens and Meghans would be here with their screaming kids, buying stuff for the weekend while the kids throw shit around. But luckily, there were hardly any kids in Hope County.

The aisle with the frozen food was completely empty. What did I need again? Peas, carrots, fish, sweet corn… When I noticed the ‘meat’ on my list, my mind went to Jacob Seed and how he ate that nearly raw steak. Oh boy, I wonder if that’s someone’s kink… But there was a kink for everyone and their grandma (hopefully their kink was not their grandma!), so I pushed that thought aside. On the way to the frozen vegetables, I grabbed a package of condoms, cause with my new BFF, Mr. Nipples, you never knew what would happen.

With the grace of a tarantula with three broken legs, I leaned down into the freezer to grab a bag of frozen vegetables. That’s when an Oh-So-Familiar voice greeted me, “Hello, my child.”

Fuck Mr. Nipples and fuck his timing.

I managed to put my head out of the freezer without injuring myself and smiled at Joseph, “Hello! What are you doing here?”, I asked him and mentally slapped myself for asking that question. What does one do in the store??? Fill out their taxes???

Joseph chuckled and pointed to the little cart next to him. It was filled rather well, with enough food for a family of five. “We are having a dinner tonight, my family and I.”

I nodded, that’s when I noticed that his graze moved to my own shopping cart. And to the condoms.

“I see…You have something planned as well?”, Joseph laughed, and I wanted to throw the bag of peas into his face. Without really thinking of what I was saying, I agreed with his statement, “Yeah, I don’t wanna end up heavy in the gut. Need some more time for myself.”

“…That’s not what I meant, child. I was referring to the chicken breasts. Nobody eats that much alone.”

…

Normally, I would swear so much, the wall would turn red. But in this moment, I was standing in front of a religious nutcase, so I kept my mouth shut and nodded.

“But it is good to see that you care that much about your body and your choices. But never forget, children are a blessing. And you, my dear, you would make a good mother.” And with a nod, Joseph grabbed his cart and left me standing there. I would make a good mother? What the fuck?

I grabbed the rest on the list, not crossing Joseph’s path again. In no time, I was back at home, munching a bag of chips while repeating in my head what he had said. Was that some kind of weird flirting? Some kind of ‘I know you have a breeding kink so I will play right into it’ power move? Fuck Joseph and everything he stands for and loves, but also…fuck me Joseph?

From what I have heard, John carves the sins of people into their skin. In my case, lust would be the biggest sin, far ahead of all the others. Far away from greed or envy. All I wanted was a good dick and a good pussy from time to time, was that so hard? Maybe I should try to get on it with the stoner lady. Back in college, I had a hook-up with a stoner chick and it was the best sex I ever had. Sadly, I ate some of the drug-filled food later on and had to get my stomach pumped, but that was still the best night ever.

Life is weird, and I have made the right choices to make it even weirder than planned. I was sure, my guardian angel was sitting somewhere in the clouds and drinking itself into a coma because I was such a moron. But hey, life is a gift that keeps on giving, and I am taking everything I can. Even if it means getting on it with a Jesus-wannabe.

Before I even realized it, the day had ended and the night broke into the County. The sweet sound of animals fucking outside was audible, along with foxes ripping rabbits apart. Ah, the sweet sound of nature.

That’s when I got a message on my phone. I preferred getting texts instead of talking, because talking on a phone takes up more brain cells than I could ever have. The number was not saved in my contacts, but I opened the message anyways:

‘Hello. This is Joseph Seed. Do you want to join us for dinner in the Compound tonight? xxx”

Two questions: How did he get my number? Did the x mean kisses or was he planning a special dinner Party?

Without thinking much about it, replied quickly to what Joseph had written:

‘Always! See you in a bit!’

I jumped off the sofa, spilling chips all over me. Fuck it, I could clean it up later on. I rushed into my bedrooms, put on clothes which screamed the message ‘I was trying to have a cozy evening but you came along and ruined it with your charm’. No, before you ask, I was not going over there in my pyjamas.

I threw a little make up on before getting back into my lovely car, driving to the Compound. And I had no idea what would happen next.


End file.
